And by miserably I mean blood could potentially pour out of your ears if you listen to it long enough (see mp3 file below).

(Wired) — An American spokesman for Somalia’s al-Qaida-linked terrorist group is apparently refuting rumors of his death the best way he knows how: with a crappy hip-hop track.

Two new rap songs by Omar Hammami (stage name: Abu Mansoor al-Amriki) were released on a jihadi website yesterday, casting doubt on reports of his demise.

In one of the tracks — “Send Me a Cruise” (.mp3), as in cruise missile — Hammami portrays himself as a sort of jihadist Tupac: distantly aware of a grim fate that awaits him, but fearless nonetheless. “There’s nothing as sweet as the taste of a tank shell,” he tells listeners.

It’s a tough image to pull off, though. He sounds more like Somalia’s Vanilla Ice, mumbling his way through hokey lyrics with too many syllables inartfullly crammed into too few beats. Using lines like “Or better yet send me a cruise, and send me on a cruise” to express his hope for a cruise missile-aided “martyrdom” don’t help his reputation as a lyricist, either.

In “Make Jihad With Me” (.mp3) — released as a B-side to “Send Me a Cruise” — Hammami goes into recruitment mode, dedicating the song to “those Muslim youth in the west who are finding their way back to their glorious roots.” In it, the small town-raised, Alabama-born Hammami lets listeners know that he understands what it’s like in the inner-city. “You grew up on the streets of the wild wild west / Every day you’re surviving test after test,” he says, charting a fictional Muslim protagonist’s journey from the mean streets of America to redemption in Somalia’s jihadi training camps.

And if you were thinking of showing up in Somalia with just your enthusiasm, think again. “Make Jihad With Me,” instructs listeners to “Get the money, dolla dolla bill, y’all.” “bring your money and your life,” when going to fight in Somalia. Even in jihad, cash rules everything around you.

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