Yesterday we met Bat Kid and his supporters who brightened our day and showed us the superpowers of love, courage and kindness. You can find our story here and more wonderful pictures from that event here.

But we’re talking about REAL superpowers here now, courtesy of the Church of Scientology.

After an ungodly number of years spent building it, the behemoth known as the “Super Powers” building is finally ready for its grand opening in Clearwater, Florida tomorrow.

Begun in 1998, it has been fundraising boondoggle for years, enabling Scientology to suck millions from its followers in promise of great reward. Built to deliver “The Super Power Rundown”, it is supposed to increase the power of your 57 senses or “perceptics” to shift “the creation of a new civilization into overdrive” and move you to “a new realm of reality”.

Over the years, information has filtered out of lavish expense and renditions have emerged of the strange contraptions within.

It includes an “infinite pit”, and a “pain station”. Sounds really attractive…

But here today, we would like to introduce you to our personal favorite contraption.

It’s called the “Oiliness Table”. What superpower it embues you with, we haven’t a clue, although we can make some guesses.

Here are two schematic drawings:

Here is a rendition, not sure I want to hazard a guess about the yellow liquid (oil?):

Perhaps it makes you slick enough to bilk more people out of their life savings.

I’m sure that Tom Cruise and his BFF Scientology leader David Miscavige could opine on contraption, but I’m not sure we are at a high enough level to take it all in.

On second thought, you would be better off if you kept your hard-earned money and tried a nice massage. The oiliness wouldn’t rub off on you as much.

HT: Tony Ortega