Bonus: Captain Crazy Pants says da Joooos are secretly choosing our president for us.

TEHRAN — President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad here on Tuesday rejected U.S. claims about freedom, democracy and human rights, saying American leaders are exercising the worst form of suppression against their people in a country ruled by Zionist capitalists.

“Today the ugliest form of suppression is ruling the U.S. where you see that a group of Zionist capitalists are ruling over 300 million Americans from behind the scenes,” Ahmadinejad said, addressing an international conference on Islamic awakening.

The president said freedom has no meaning in the U.S. since the Zionist lobby brings its favorite candidates to power in order to protect its interests.

Ahmadinejad described the occupying regime of Israel as the base of the global hegemony, emphasizing that all revolutionary movements must be geared against the Zionist regime.

“This regime is the base of domineering powers and as long as the hegemonic system and the Zionist regime are in existence, nations would not see a peaceful day,” President Ahmadinejad told the opening of the 1st International Conference on Women and Islamic Awakening.

Insisting that Islamic awakening is the key condition for a fundamental development in the global situation, he said, “Nothing new will happen in the world unless people are awakened.”

On the effective role of women in social developments across the globe, the president said, “If women are determined (to make a change in any community), it is impossible that nothing would transpire and we have witnessed this in Iran and we can see it today in the world.”

Noting that today Europe and the U.S. “have demolished” the existence of women, he added, “So long as women do not play their respective role, plundering, colonialism and crime will ensue and today the biggest abuse and repression has been carried out against women.”