A candlelight dinner with tofu didn’t make the list.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day, which means that Social Justice Internet is pumping out advice for how to handle this “oppressive” holiday in the most politically correct way possible.
Here are five things that the SJWs are asking you to do this year:
1. Buy your “friend with benefits” a “‘No Means No’ conversation heart ring”
“Hopefully your booty call is just as into consent as you are (if they’re not, ditch ‘em quick),” women’s website Romper advises. “This “No Means No” conversation heart ring ($12.50) is a sweet little statement piece.”
(How romantic! Buying someone a gift to remind them to not rape you!)
Just one little thing: I kind of feel like being “into consent” is not something that exists in varying degrees — after all, you either are or are not a rapist — so “is just as into consent as you are” isn’t really a thing, and whether or not you’d ever want to wear such a weird piece of jewelry has actually nothing to do with that distinction.
2. Talk about diversity before sex because that can be “an aphrodisiac of sorts.”
J.W. Wiley, the chief diversity officer for SUNY Plattsburgh and the director of the Center for Diversity, Pluralism and Inclusion, explains that “some couples like intellectual seduction before they intimately retire for the evening,” and that a great way to spice things up is to talk about how “Valentine’s Day is a day we engage in diversity.”
“All romantic scenarios are diverse realities . . . any shared moments of romance, sex, love and/or marriage involve our multiple identities,” Wiley explains. “Our ability, race, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic class, religion, ageism and privilege all affect who we see and how we’re seen.”
Wiley insists that this kind of discussion will be “an aphrodisiac of sorts for those couples who enjoy making love to each other’s minds before they embark on a sensual anatomical adventure.”
(Because nothing sounds hotter than “sensual anatomical adventure.”)